Tiiiime is On My Side, Oh, Yes It Is!

I awoke to singing along with the Rolling Stones' famous quote and lines from their song, as I was reading a story by a friend who responded to my request to help me get a grip on making a friend of time.

By the way, I am getting loads of help on this project, including Gila and Ginny knowing it was the Stones' song I had floating in my head. Ginny even wrote that they first sang it on the Ed Sullivan Show! How many of you remember that show? LOL!

If I think of time as a friend then there are no 'dead' lines, just 'do' dates. When I am 'hooked in', as my astrologer friend Dale says, then I am in the flow with the universe. And mystical Judaism tells of the transcendent soul being in alignment with the imminent soul, so the the outside soul can drip its wisdom into the inside soul. That is called being in mazel tov! Right place, right time.

In my limited experience of consciousness, that state takes loads of self trust, reflection, listening, breathing, stopping, laughing at myself, faith in something bigger than me and a letting go of what I think is right by someone else's standard; being in integrity with me and the universe.

Here is J's story that she said: " I threw my brother, his wife and sons and daughter-in-laws out of my house some 13 years ago when he said something so violent to my partner & his sons. They were disturbed. I asked my brother about this and he said he did not know what they were talking about and besides I used the wrong words....this response (manipulative verbiage from a brother who went for his doctorate in semantical philosophy, on top of his wife criticizing the food I had prepared for Passover and stating that she hated being in my home,etc.) I stated that I am valuable, my friends are valuable and I will not tolerate that kind of verbal insult and ugliness. They laughed and made fun of me. I went to the door and ushered them all out with the comment that they are not welcomed back into my home. That did not stop me from calling them , from time to time, to stay connected and know that some day we may fall back into another kind of rhythm. Literally a dozen years passed with me calling , about twice a year, knowing that my brother is important to me and he will grow in his own time OR not, I will be here when that happens. It happened and we are respectfully back in each others lives with a few actual face to face encounters ( at his home and in neutral territory). I have not invited them to my home yet and talked with them about them processing, in their way, the reactions they had to my home. I did not need to hear them; however, I do not want any more facial and verbal negative reactions to me or my home. They need to determine when that time is to reenter. I can wait because time is right now as I type this, as time was when I convulsed with agony at my decision to usher them out of my home. I revisited the pain many times and was sure that I could live with whatever outcome as I am so certain of non attachment and attachment and impermanence, etc. In this case my rewards is that we are again together, though their are moments that are a bit precarious. Noticing my behavior and response to a situation is important and I am ok with having violent, unwholesome reactions too. They do not last long, time is my friend, time is short and I am OK with not practicing my belief 100%. It is another moment in time to keep learning and doing and re-doing. PLUS I really do not want everything to be so calm....I think that is too boring too; I like the various tonalities that come from me as an imperfect human being. AND I keep track of when enough is enough and that is TIME based. "

As I re-read this story, I am preparing to facilitate a workshop on trust. And Covey says, "nothing is a fast as the speed of trust." And writes of this at the personal and professional levels. I think how quickly we cover our heart and how long it takes to uncover the heart and feel safe and build trust.

When I have tiiiiime on my side, being present to me and the universe, then perhaps i am moving toward making a friend of time. So, if i weave my meditation practice into this equation, then when i notice without judging, and stay with me in all my emotions, thoughts, visceral response to the moment, then i am in NOW and my response is current and 'spot on!'

Laughing at me, I leave you to continue the quest of learning about time by working at work responsibilities.

Hit and Run

My sister and I were having ones of those 'cross the bridge' conversations. Where I was bothered about something that had happened between us and I had asked to 'cross the bridge' so we could talk to each other outside the distractions of our everyday life.

She had done something that left me going off by myself to take care of myself. My heart was walled up and defended and underneath I was sad, angry, and feeling abandoned. And I was not going to tell anyone that. I had learned a long time ago to shove all those feelings under the mat of the covering of my heart.

In our conversation, she was able to hear me and I was able to hear that she has a habit of 'hit and run.' In that moment, she is not in control of her feelings and instead of staying and talking about what she is feeling, she says what she needs to say and runs away. I could absolutely hear that. For one reason, I love her and want to stay in relationship with this long time sister-friend. Secondly, I know I have done that same behavior.

Dissociation, running away from the now, is the other side of consciousness, to quote Tim, my therapist. And as I move to being more awake in my life, i am choosing to run less and "be here now", to quote that famous psychologist turned Hindu guru follower.

So, I ask myself what is so hard about being here? Can I notice my discomfort and breathe into it like I do on the massage table when the 'spot' touched is so painful and needs the oxygen to free the toxins, untie the knotted muscle?

Am I really wanting to free my soul from whatever covers her pureness and to open the doors to possibilities when I stay present?

Do I want to admit my faith in something bigger than me, playing with me, keeping me hoping for love?

What are you thinking today about time, being conscious, love possibilities and freedom?

I Am Denouncing My Speed Queen Crown

After my first speeding ticket in four years, $129.00 ouch!, I have decided this is a sign I need to really look at my relationship with time.

In 1993, a Lakota medicine man in a one-on-one I-Ching session told me something I have been grappling with ever since. The phrase is "make a friend of time". My immediate response to his words was to begin to cry, like I had been told some ultimate truth of the universe. I knew then that it was important and yet I did not know how it related to my life. I think after all these years I may be getting to the core of this conundrum, this Zen-koan.

As I drove home the 3 1/2 hours from St. Petersberg, I kept thinking what is it about time? What am I running from or toward that keeps me from being here. How have I not made a friend of time?

And then I remembered the sexual abuse I endured at age five that I hid from my conciousness until I was in my late 40s. And that dissociation is one way of running away from the pain of the moment. And that at 67 I no longer need to rush away from now, as I can take care of me, unlike that of my childhood.

And the power, skills and personal best I feel behind the wheel, I can also feel in other places. I do not need to be behind the wheel of the car to do that!

Yet, this relationship with time is something else!

I remembered once following a woman who was driving so slow I was about to bust a gasket! I needed to follow her, because she was leading me out of a development of homes to where I needed to be going. I remebered being in awe of her steady driving, no rushing, no need to rush, she was sure and steady. I admired her driving and her grounded-ness to the earth. I wished I had that skill and yet did not know if I ever could drive that slow. What a paradox!!

So what has this to do with and? Well the letter vav is a shape shifter letter. In Biblical Hebrew it is called a "reversive vav" as it turns the past into the future and future into the present. And in English, using the word and instead of but can change the possibilities and change the 'same old thinking' into a 'growth' mindset. If we can hold more than one reality as true, we can change the world. Your pain and my pain are both awful and never should have happened and they did.

So what do I get for denouncing my Speed Queen Crown? I get another chance at life. Just like the state police officer, who stopped me, gave me another chance by marking down the speed I was driving; so can I try something new. And I will see what will happen not to rush through eating, the stop sign, the conversation, the uncomfortable moment. Maybe there is something there I need to notice. Maybe I can learn to make a friend of time.


So why do you speed? What is your relationship to time? I need your help! tell me your thoughts.

We Need Each Other AND Together We Can Do Anything BUT

A palm grows in Jamaica: growing can be messy and beautiful
As my mind wanders through this blog posting I noticed that I needed to come back to the beginning and give you attention and a focus for what I am trying to write about today..

I am focusing on three ideas: 1) noticing the buts i say under my breath that keep me from staying on the path of my intention, 2)the importance of engaging others in my process as sustainability partners, 3) seeing all this as treating myself as if I were my own lover

And so I begin again:
I laugh at myself as I write the title of this blog. The very word I have been avoiding is right in my face and lives with me every moment as I live my mission of "de-but-ing the world" by substituting the word and for the world but!

And I laugh out loud, knowing I teach what I have to learn!

The many years that my father, of blessed memory, was president of the synagogue he and my mother were members of, he used to end his announcement of events at the end of services with the phrase,"We need each other." I am not sure when or how it came into his consciousness to say this, whether it was being the youngest member of his family or just seeing how divisive we can be. We thought it was great! The phrase became a mantra for his whole family including my daughters Andrea and Ilana and myself. Then the gated community he and my mother lived in even picked up on the phrase. There is a sign by the exit that reads "We need you, buckle up!" And for all his saying the phrase, sadly, I am not sure he believed we needed him by the end of his life.

Several years ago, I had the opportunity of working with some young people who were Fellows of the Acumen Fund. I was given a book, The Blue Sweater, to read and to learn how a woman's belief that "together we can make anything happen" can change the world. Jacqueline Novogratz is founder and CEO of this nonprofit venture capital firm. I loved the phrase as it seemed to take, "we need each other" another step forward. So I used this phrase in my visioning and storytelling workshops as I work with women, encouraging them to think of themselves as leaders of themselves. And at the end of the workshop, before they shared their vision and story, we set up accountability partners to keep them on the path of their vision. I ponder about who are my accountability partners.

I am seeing I am blessed by many. I remember in preparation for my trip around the world, I gathered some friends to put up the map of the world. They kept me honest in following through with my dream. When I was having my Bat Mitzvah, I gathered my friends to ask them to support me by arranging the food in the celebration of that Sabbath. Asking for help, exposing myself to needing someone is very hard to do.

And where am I going? I am headed toward uncovering the "buts", the "competing commitments", as Kegan and Lehey write about the "big assumption" that keep me in old patterns that have kept me emotionally safe in the world. These are my list short list of BUTS:
but what would they say,
but they won't like me
but i do not think i can do it
but what will people think
but i have not enough money
but i am not smart enough
but what about my family i need to think of them too
but i won't do it right
but i do not have time
but it would take too much time
but it wouldn't make a difference

I am frequently aware and often experience the desires in my heart. And the buts are so subtle, quiet, sneaky! I have to laugh at myself and say a thousand ANDs for each BUT!

I am fascinated by the many times I hear from people "Why can't I do what I know I love or want to do?" or "Why do I know what I need to do and cannot follow through?' A teacher of mine, Marc Gafni, talked of 'standing at the edge of fulfillment'. What is it about that moment that thrills me so much that I do not want to leave and I just stay there?

I , also,ask myself when am I going to let go and just do it, be loyal to myself like my clients tell me that I am to them as I keep them honest? Tantra teaches the joy of sitting on the edge and my voice teacher tells me to stay on the edge of emotion and ride the edge! So I am getting to build a relationship with the emotion of the edge and i am going to ride! Yahoooo!

And then yesterday, a client told me of something she wanted to do that she had not done and knew would be good for herself. As we explored and unpacked her desire to the last detail of when she would do what she knew she loved and had avoided, I committed to think of her at that moment she would begin on her journey. And I got this note from her:

*At 1:00, part of me was arguing, "No, don't go. You don't have time. It's more comfortable to stay where you are." Another part was saying (more loudly) "I have already stated my intention to walk at 1:00, and TZipi will be thinking of me walking then. I am going!" That part won out. :-) As soon as I took the first few steps, I was glad. (How often do we do the same in our work and leadership?)
*I decided on the spur of the moment to go in a new direction, and discovered a path I've never been on before. It was a blessing. (How can I reassure my people that the new paths God is leading us onto hold unexpected blessings?)
*I let my mind wander and simply paid attention to what was in front of me at the moment. How refreshing!
*A clear blue sky and bright sunshine sparkling on the snow at the path's edge.
*After about two minutes, the sound of birdsong began to surround me. (How often have I missed out on that by staying cooped up and not getting out there where beauty and wonder and blessings are?)
*I was amazed at how far I walked. I ended up on another side of town and saw things I never pay attention to. (Simone Weil: love is paying attention)
*I stopped on a bridge overlooking a clear rushing trout stream on my way back, and watched and listened to the water for some time. It was a beautiful reminder that the life force is unstoppable, that God is always creating something new, and that I am part of all of that.
*A hawk soared overhead.
*My decision to do one good thing for myself today -- walk -- led to another -- to choose only healthy things to eat for lunch. (Making one wise decision can open up other new possibilities and make other wise decisions easier.)
*I feel better, inside and out!

Blessings of the Vav: I remember my teacher, Rabbi Shefa Gold's latest chant: Renew within me a Spirit of "Yes!" from Psalm 51:12. I have a commitment to my soul's mission.
And as a way of being kind and loving to myself, I am creating sustainability sisters and brothers to keep me on the path! I LOL as I am admitting to myself that I need others as together we can make anything happen. I will ask them to ask me the deep questions that will inspire me and keep me honest! And we will be sustaining each other.
Who are your sustainability partners?

I am Yearning for the Familiar

And the child will lead them: Etta Grace's joy as she steers the boat has reminded me of my leadership commitment to joy as I am my leading myself back to Home, yet again! LingOL at the never ending learning life I have chosen!

I have been away from my physical home for five days now and everything is new; people, food, room, bed! Even turning on the faucet is a learning experience! And I do not go home for four more days of newness!

So much new and I feel grounded and flowing as I continue to be mindful and to do my rituals of chanting and meditation. And the work I am doing is good! I am being creative and myself. And yet, I am feeling like I am missing something. And there is no one I want to speak with, no one but me to fill the missing-ness.

So I pulled out my iPod and began to listen to the music and I noticed the tears falling down my cheek as my heart began to open again. Oh, that is what has been happening, I have covered my heart! I have disconnected with a part of myself. I have managed to avoid the other feelings that arise when I am traveling and excited about the adventure.

And the people around me are loving and I am not receiving, as I am in a "back up-armor on" stance. I am the cat who is feels unsafe and the woman who is missing the familiar. Oh, Halleluyah! for these quiet moments of self discovery! I am eternally grateful for solitude taken and self love given.

The joy has been there all along and I have not been in alignment and I have forgotten my commitment: stop, listen and reflect. And now I will go for a swim, laughing out loud at and with myself. Returning home is a moment to celebrate!

I Think I am Falling in Love With G!D!

Holding the paradox of real life: hard and soft, sharp and sweet, cold and warm, at the Israeli-Lebanon border, 'The Good Fence', Metula, Israel.
The other day, I heard and felt a voice that thought about falling in love with G!D. And it felt good this thought. It felt good right in the middle of my body, expanding my heart, just a little bit with a sense of joy. I was shy about it and let it be. Then I thought, "what would my friends say if I told them I was falling in love with G!D?" "Who cares!" my adolescent voice said. Maybe I need new friends. And how many would think I was strange? And they do already, I laughed out loud at that thought!

Then, when I started to ponder the idea further, as my interest was peeked, I tried to figure how to fall in love with G!D. Of course, this mountain in front of me is my responsibility to climb, to determine what falling in love with G!D really truly means. And then, I started to feel awkward and and inept, as there must be only one way of falling in love with G!D. And I, poor me, did not know the 'right' way to do it! And all the ideas that started to flow into my consciousness sounded 'not good enuff', in my estimation. They were ideas like, "become orthodox". And as much as I love structure and order, that world is too far one way for me. I want an interfaith, multi-racial, multi-generational community. Like Brooklyn!

Then the thought came "maybe I do not have to figure out how to fall in love with G!D. I can let G!D tell me, show me what G!D needs from me. Then that G!D will know that I am in love with G!D".

And then I thought, "get simple, basic... " I am made in the likeness of G!D and maybe all I have to do is love me and that would be loving G!D. Then I wondered if I was being blasphemous. I have to do it right, you see, to be good.

Now this sounds convoluted and a little unsure of myself. And that is just where I am now in terms of my relationship with The One Who Hardens Peoples Hearts and Who is the Compassionate One, Who Is Without End, being what god will be. I was trying to invoke the Loving-Kindness of the One Who Connects Us All of a three letter word.

I do not believe there is a personal G!D and yet I do have my own personal relationship with the Source of All Blessings. I wonder what the difference is? I decided this is academic and one way thinking. How can anyone prove that their way is right or wrong of loving G!D? There can be as many ways of loving G!D as there are people on the planet. And maybe G!D may not be the word some use, preferring Source, Higher Power, The Light. There are so many languages that describe this energy that is no where and everywhere. And I do not think that any of those words involve violence, greed, killing, abuse, dishonesty or disconnecting. And I know that a seed bursting forth through the earth or animals who kill for survival or giving birth as the head reshapes itself and the vagina widens and the womb pushes the infant from its cocoon is painful.

So, I will continue to seek and be open to receiving the feeling I felt when the thought feeling arose within me. Maybe it is around the next corner, maybe I am on the edge of fulfillment soon to find the missing piece of the puzzle and the door bell will ring and some one will offer me a million dollars for winning the lottery for falling in love with G!D.

Laughing out loud, I place my head on my pillow, hoping sleep will come, and then I, like the seekers before me, will dream sweet dreams of finding home, knowing we will wake in the morning refreshed and reunited with the soul we took life for, ready to seek fulfillment again, and again and again.

As you see, I will never complete the puzzle, until my life is over. And only The One knows when that is... maybe. Who knows and Who ain't tellin'! So here I go again, walking the path of my deepest desire, swerving off and on, always returning to open my heart to Love.

The Importance of Being You, Honoring Difference

The beauty of nature, repeating itself and each time never being the same.

I think I may be getting boring. Friends would say that is impossible. Maybe redundant, saying the same thing too many times! Yet, obviously the mind I live with continues to stay with one thought until I get it. And sometimes I am sooo slow!

This morning's meditation brought me to thinking about the importance of being your self, the SOV teaches that only when you stand upright in who you are can you hook up others. And who really wants to be alone? Even in the Torah it is written that it is not good for human to be alone. And as coach of leaders, I know that collaboration is essential to making the world a better place. We are in desperate need of partnerships, of courageous followers who will speak up and over and down to all they work with.

So I have been playing with the thought that Abraham, through Esther Hicks, teaches when they spoke to a gay man. That being different and being out encourages people to deal with their own angst about difference. Jonathan Sachs in Dignity of Difference writes that we all come from the same source and evolve into our own unique holy selves. Holy, from Hebrew Wisdom, means separate, unique, discrete. Kahil Gilbran wrote about the coming together of two souls for love, that 'may the winds of heaven dance between the oak and the willow'. I hear in his words the importance of being your unique self and dancing together with the Divine's blessings.

And yet the mind loves to compare and judge those different from us. And we either come up short or better than the other.

If the Torah had only be written in the positive what it said in the negative maybe people would learn not to covet your neighbor but to honor your own gifts. Appreciative Inquiry teaches that what you give attention to will grow! Do not covet, means we are already doing it. So what can we do that would put the energy into making relationships work. Hedy and Yumi teach about building bridges to the holy sacred space where the past remains in the past and the present offers opportunities to listen and to hear, to mend the hearts that yearn for connectedness, to let down the wall a bit, to welcome the stranger as your self. To learn and know her or him and yourself within that moment.

I say let us give attention to how we can learn how to connect, not separate ourselves from each other by building walls around us, by comparing and contrasting. Let us learn how to have a mindset of growth, what do I want to learn, I can I be in the now?

enough rambling!!

We cannot hide who we are, that only encourages others to not have to face our own differences.

As a Jew, I am not going to hide, G!D made sure of that, circumcision for one thing. Different way of praying, different Sabbath day, different holiday schedule from the majority Christian community. The Nazis would also say big noses, and so do our Middle Eastern neighbors!
So I wear my Jewish Star earrings with pride, yet always telling the story how I got them. They are a gift from my Christian friends who found them in India.

As a lesbian, who is not in relationship, I can pass. My Black friends or other people of color, cannot pass. So how can I be out?

Then there is dialect and pronunciation that will expose one, like the people from South Carolina I met on the beach yesterday.. Pass as what I say to myself? as one of them, not to make waves and not to stand out.

As a woman, I felt I had to be careful of what I wore, so my breasts would not distract from what I was saying. I am over it! I am on the cusp of 70, so just be me! wild woman!

We are such funny people! I can only laugh at loud at me!