Then I am going to notice how my life enfolds.
I had a moment of awareness and enlightenment yesterday as I readied for bed. When I am on retreat, I am mindful of the present moment, slow in movement, noticing how I lift my foot, place a plate down on the table, choose my food and more! I am taking time to be with me, focusing on now, coming back to this moment when the mind begins to do its dance of; 'look at what he is doing', 'how about that thought', 'can you believe what she did', ' or 'ooo, that smells good and I am hungry', etc etc etc.
I have been telling people about some of my experiences on various retreats and how much i enjoyed them. I began to wonder "why only then?"
Then, as I put back into order the plants on my stoop, I shoved the hand painted ceramic pot that held a miniature snake plant into the railing and the arm on one side cracked and fell into the bushes. I was shocked, i thought I was being so careful. Everything had been going so well, the storm door was off and i had a screen door up to let in the fresh air with the help of my neighbor, Dale. I thought I was careful, apparently not enough!
Then I remembered impermanence and loss is just an emotion we tag to an experience.
The mind wandered and I remember supporting others on their silent retreat at Elat Chayyim, offering them water as they worked in the hot kitchen. I loved serving and caring for those choosing silence. Or on all the retreats, the many experiences and learning. In Thailand with Rosemary and Steve where I learned that silence is not a punishment and i was never alone. Or in Pudecherry, India, at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram where i learned I am deeply connected to the spiritual world through my body and I stayed there long enough to hear the Mother speak on the anniversary of her birthday, 'yea, thou you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i am with you'. Or in Israel and France with Thich Nhat Hanh where i learned about the power of discipline and focus and faith and to go back to my roots. And at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA where i discovered how unsafe I felt int he world and that I wanted Hebrew Wisdom, and asked for it from Sylvia Boorstein, along with the Buddhist practice taught there.
And how can I forget Stephen Levine and the very first silent retreat I ever experienced. When I learned that I am my own teacher and I must learn to trust myself, trust the process and treasure myself. Treasure myself, what a concept I continue to learn what it means along with love myself and make a friend of time.
So I laugh out loud as i awaken to my life and put the pieces together, making a collage of extraordinary beauty, as stunning as Andrea's quilts.