Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Had Dream

I had a dream this morning before I awoke and i was full of joy and love when I opened my eyes. I am not sure what the dream was all about, choosing not to analyze, and I am not going to review it here with you.  I am going to write it down and savor it the feelings, people, colors, conversations.

Then I am going to notice how my life enfolds.

I had a moment of awareness and enlightenment yesterday as I readied for bed. When I am on retreat, I am mindful of the present moment, slow in movement, noticing how I lift my foot, place a plate down on the table, choose my food and more! I am taking time to be with me, focusing on now, coming back to this moment when the mind begins to do its dance of;  'look at what he is doing', 'how about that thought', 'can you believe what she did', ' or 'ooo, that smells good and I am hungry',  etc etc etc.

I have been telling people about some of my experiences on various retreats and how much i enjoyed them. I began to wonder "why only then?"


Then, as I put back into order the plants on my stoop,  I shoved the hand painted ceramic pot that held a miniature snake plant into the railing and the arm on one side cracked and fell into the bushes. I was shocked, i thought I was being so careful. Everything had been going so well, the storm door was off and i had a screen door up to let in the fresh air with the help of my neighbor, Dale. I thought I was careful, apparently not enough!

Then I remembered impermanence and loss is just an emotion we tag to an experience.

The mind wandered and I remember supporting others on their silent retreat at Elat Chayyim,  offering them water as they worked in the hot kitchen. I loved serving and caring for those choosing silence. Or on all the retreats, the many experiences and learning.  In Thailand with Rosemary and Steve where I learned that silence is not a punishment and i was never alone.  Or in Pudecherry, India, at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram where i learned I am deeply connected to the spiritual world through my body and I stayed there long enough to hear the Mother speak on the anniversary of her birthday, 'yea, thou you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i am with you'.   Or in Israel and France with Thich Nhat Hanh where i learned about the power of discipline and focus and faith and to go back to my roots.  And at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA where i discovered how unsafe I felt int he world and that I wanted Hebrew Wisdom, and asked for it from Sylvia Boorstein, along with the Buddhist practice taught there.

And how can I forget Stephen Levine and the very first silent retreat I ever experienced. When I learned that I am my own teacher and I must learn to trust myself, trust the process and treasure myself.  Treasure myself, what a concept I continue to learn what it means along with love myself and make a friend of time.

So I laugh out loud as i awaken to my life and put the pieces together, making a collage of extraordinary beauty, as stunning as Andrea's quilts.


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