Thursday, February 12, 2009

Claiming the Liminal Space of Not Knowing

Blessings of being awake: My new friend Eva told me with a big grin the other day that she is waiting for a new blog entry. I am aware that I have not written anything since December. I am not sure exactly why and i am choosing not to spend time wondering. It is a fact that I am sitting in 'nothing-viscerally-provoking-me-to-write-mode.' And spending time into why? and how come? gets me into a judging place and that does not provoke creativity for me. I am still learning how to inquire with innocent curiosity. So I start from this moment and ask myself as G!D asked Adam Ayecha? where are you? Adam went into this great storytelling of shame and blame. Now I could have looked at my calendar and seen what I have been doing for the last six weeks and explained away my absence from what I am committed to, my writing. In this moment I will not go backward and only notice that I am glad I am making time to write today. I am grateful that I have a computer that is working and I am well. There is no blame or shame needed to be fed only remembering what I love and doing it! Yet maybe I do not know know all that I love and I need to try something different: to try just being instead of doing. Eboo Patel says leaders do not make excuses; they ask how do we solve the problem? And I often suggest to my clients that contemplation, just being, is a form of strategic planning time that is necessary.
Spiritual Challenge: So not only am I learning to love me but how to love me; and staying focused with my deepest desire for peace of mind, being loving of me as my G!D is and to do what I love, is getting easier. To notice that being is an option and a challenge to the mind that always wants to be in action to see change. I am wanting to learn to be in the the liminal space of not knowing. I want to learn to live with ambiguity. I am on a threshold and i just need to limit the wondering and allow life to evolve. The moon is waning and I need not start any new projects. Social Security just called and i will be getting my benefits beginning in May so my bills will be paid. I need to be loving to me and try just being and not doing. Writing will wait.
Spiritual Practice: Being in a contemplative state and sitting with myself in kindness, breathing deeply and getting to know the liminal space of not knowing. In August of 1995 I was in that space when I heard 'you are going for a trip around the world.' I am a traveler and perhaps remembering Hebrew Wisdom's prayer for all travelers, that ease the moving over thresholds and into transitions maybe be helpful. So I started to chant the words whenever the desire for form or permanence arises. Listen, TZiPi, You and The Divine Mystery of All Life are One. You are not alone in this space; Shma listen to your heart's wisdom, you are not separate, dear one, and you are holy as She is holy. And just be and do what you love, sit and have a cup of mint tea and look at the clouds floating through your window.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!