The Competing Committment

Blessings of Being Awake: Yesterday, Cousin Arnie called to wish me a Happy New Year and to get caught up on each others' lives and our family's history. We were talking about our personal challenges this year and how even when we want change, we often run into distractions that take us off our path. Since we are both in the the business of making the world a better place I mentioned a favorite leadership development book, How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work by Kegan and Lahey. The authors call the underlying cause of the distraction 'a competing commitment.' Working with this concept pushes me beyond my comfort zone to uproot whatever is holding me in place and does not allow me to flow with the the river.
At this time of year the secular calendar offers me an opportunity to pause and gain perspective on where I am and where I might have been distracted. So this Shabbat morning as I read in Torah Queeries the Drash for Vayechi-and he lived-this week's Torah portion about Joseph the outsider by Rabbi Jill Hammer, I was reminded of a conversation I had several days ago at our monthly lesbian pot luck. We were talking about the latest movies and someone said is George Clooney gay? I said I did not know. I then asked what is so toxic about being called lesbian or gay? There was a pause in the conversation and someone said I think Oprah is lesbian and will come out after she retires. We all laughed and I said what if being gay or lesbian is held in a place of honor or was just another adjective that defined one? Eva responded the world would be entirely different. I knew then what I wanted for myself more than any other gift for 2010.
Spiritual Challenge: I am committed to being politically correct as it fits with a core belief of mine, that of being kind. And often being careful with my language can keep me from the opportunity for deeper conversations both with myself and others. In The Faith Club the reason the authors' relationships grew in length and depth was because the women confronting each other on traditional beliefs that had not been explored outside these conversations. So for 2010 I challenge my need for connection with me and others with these questions:
Can I be both kind and truthful while being open to others who confront me on my behavior? Can I speak my truth as I did this morning with my daughter Ilana and deepen our conversation and my connections both with myself and her? Am I willing to share all of myself with others with pride and nonchalance or even terror? Am I willing to do what the male lead in Avatar did, risk death to meet my partner and bond with another to be able to fly together, blending energies and being the self of the moment? And to risk everything to save a life, my life?
Spiritual Practice: Through my meditation practice and mindfulness living I am committed to uproot and explore the competing commitment of my intertwining of sex and emotional safety. To hold the image of Etta Grace freely dancing in the water and she is me smiling and laughing and being in joy with all of me, so stunning in all my true colors everywhere!
Blessings of the Vav: In the mystical tradition of Hebrew Wisdom, the Vav resides in the body and holds the energy of emotional connection. I am feeling the erotic nature of this energy and revel in the aliveness. I am aroused and smiling with innocence and delight of the possibilities this holds for me.