And Eventually You Become The Matriarch

Photo caption: three cousins, Richie, Vivie, Jerry; 1948, at Lewis Lake, Winthrop, MA
Blessings of Being Awake: On November 11, 2009, at about 6:15 in the evening, I became the head of my family, consisting presently of two daughters, their husbands and four grandchildren. This was not my decision, like becoming a parent or taking on couple responsibilities when I got married. On the day my mother quite unexpectedly died, I became an orphan, there is no one beside me or behind me to be the final decision, the holder together. I am it! And I am not even sure what 'it' is although I may have seen it from a distance. I was not prepared for this new role even though I did on one occasion try to imagine what it would be like when it did happen. I could not!
Spiritual Challenge: I feel like I am out in space without my space suit, untethered looking down on earth and hoping it stays very far away! Am I ready for this role and how it is different than before, as single mom without a partner. How will my relationship with my family change or will it? I wonder how the Godfather felt when it was his turn to take over. I am excited about wearing the purple robes of royalty. And I have lots of questions. One thing I will remember is to stay in touch, keep them up with my plans and learn a lot! That is my challenge as a fiercely independent, hippie, only child, woman of the world.
Spiritual Practice: When my Mom was alive she covered for me. I could travel, miss calls, never get to calls and without knowing she filled in. She had a relationship with my daughters i will never have, as each couple has its own energy. Moses is quoted as responding to Pharaoh when he said 'go and leave the women' , 'no, 'we must all go together, as we will not know how to serve G!D until we get there. ' So why worry about the future, Phyllis reminded me today, what Meher Baba taught, don't worry, be happy. May be that is what this Matriarch will do, since I am sure this death that laid this role in my hands was not my idea and was in the plans and I am ready to take it on!
Blessings of Agudat HaVav: blessings of being a member of the Society of the Vav, vav-nik. At the top of most columns in the Torah there is a vav at the beginning of the word. The sages tell us that this means the story is on going, we only stop to take a breath before we go on. So for a while, as I move through the grief, I will remember to breathe, as I cross this threshold and enter my new role. I am sure that my ancestors, the Evrites, the boundary crossers, knew how to stop and breathe and remember to be grateful that they were never alone. And I am royally receiving the energy of my ancestors in my new role.