Whose Got Your Back?

Blessings of Being Awake: It was Monday morning in the limo on the way to the airport, a few blocks from the hotel where my daughter and her family had stayed while we were in Boston to bury my mother's remains, when Andrea said with much frustration, 'Oh, I forgot to check-out.' I could feel my anger arise and then before i could think my mouth opened and a torrent of words burst out to not just my daughter but to Urbie, Ashby and Drew. I could not hold my composure and intention of love and kindness any longer. The pain of my mothers death and that i was now the big cheese overwhelmed me and i wanted to know who was there for Andrea, for me, for us!!
Spiritual Challenge: It had been a long month filled with mourning, working, making plans, traveling, visiting and honoring of my mother's wishes and now we were going home to the real world where my mother's physical presence no longer existed. And I wanted to know whose got my back? Whose house will I drive by to see if she is OK, who will ask me to go out to lunch with her, to give me directions, to attend a function, to ask if i need bananas or fruit or bread or any kind of food when i arrived home from traveling or flowers for the Shabbat table or even to be a pain-in-the-neck. And I had not voiced much of these feelings for I could not admit the fear of the unknown that lay within me. I was in a do-er mode, i had a list of things to do, to complete the mission. I had forgotten how important my Mother's presence was to me and I had no idea how much i was going to miss her presence and her place in my life. I would have lots of time to begin to see where I placed in her life.
Spiritual Practice: I have had the honor of working with several male clients who are African American and who have voiced their distrust of others in the work place and how they have to have their own back. One of these clients also talked of his God, that 'He's got my back'. I like when clients share their faith with me for it reminds me of what i already know; the Unknowable, Breath of All Life does remain an integral element to all of life including mine. I laugh out loud when I remember the story a teacher-sage tells of the agnostic who in the passion of love making, screams 'oh, my god!' I, too, must allow myself to move in and out of my doubt when feeling alone. And I must rememeber that Divine Nature is within each of us, so we all have each other's back strengthened by what I call G!D.
Blessings of the Vav: As Sonny and Cher sang, 'and the beat goes on and on and on'. As long as i will breathe there will be another AND moment in which to; smile, apologize, laugh, cry, celebrate AND the heart keeps beating on and on and on. And as we are reminded as we read the Torah where most columns begin with a Vav, the stories are all interconnected to each other affecting each other, transforming them as perspectives change with new information and we are never the same after that. Halleluyah!!