Blessings of Being Awake:It was the third day of the silent retreat when i noticed a dull acheing in the center of my back. My first thought was 'what made this happen?' and then the solution 'maybe i was sitting wrong'. Then as the mind wandered i remembered that it was a week and 13 hours since my mother was killed by the impact of the car and maybe i was feeling the heart's pain. I reached for the small pillow i had brought from home and placed it right where the pain was centered and leaned into the back of the chair and with my next breath noticed the tears coming down my cheek. I opened my chest, my heart wide and rested in that moment.
Spiritual Challenge: Before I had left for the retreat Miryam had reminded me that I was in mourning. It was such a gift of a few words that gave me an anchored vessel to place all my feeling and thoughts within. These words were my connection to another reality as a floated in the dream of my life.
Spiritual Practice: Tender, tender, tenderness is my deepest desire for a default when life gets so narrow there is not much room to breathe deeply. This space i offered myself of a week of silence was such a gift. One my mother had supported me in when about a month before her death we were talking about what to do for Thanksgiving and when i told her about the retreat she had said 'Go, I have lived my life, you live yours'. So i must learn to listen deeply to my heart and those who love me and never give up for in the next moment holds all possibilities.
Blessings of the Vav: I am a member of the virtual community of Agudat HaVav, the Society of the Vav. I am never alone; i am Divinely connected to every place, person, animal and thing. As I was reminded when i saw Avatar this week; She does not take sides - Her deepest desire is for balance in the world. There will always be a moment, a word, a smile an animal showing up to pull me back into balance whenever I go off kilter, for She is within me, my seeker of inner balance.
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