Memories

Blessings of Being Awake: I was up too early this morning trying to keep control of my schedule and as I stood in the kitchen thoughts floated in and out of my consciousness. And I remembered my Uncle Harry who now of blessed memory once told me I was a writer. He was famous to me and his words and our relationship meant a lot to me. So if he were around I would thank him for blessing me. Arthur K once told me if you write you are a writer. I believe that and yet that does not honor the uniqueness of each of us to offer to the world our perceptions that fill emptiness, stimulate curiosity, deepen understanding, enhance imagination or inform or entertain or just keep track of a very busy and full life.
Spiritual Challenge: I want to honor Uncle Harry by dedicating this writing to him. I cannot tell his widow or his son as they have disappeared without a trace. I want to reach across time to when we were together near Camel Back Mountain or on Temple Street and laugh and cry with him. He was my hero. He never wrote anything that was published yet he had many friends who did. He was written about in a book and it still sits on my bookshelf. He was also my role model, he dedicated himself to the well being of his patients. He and my Aunt Norma always welcomed me into their home. I often stop and smile remembering to step outside my only child box, daughter of fiercely independent parents heritage and being the center of my universe to know, honor and remember those whose essence are woven into my being-ness.
Spiritual Practice: Write, write, write I tell my clients, express yourself on paper, do morning writings as Julia Cameron suggests in The Artist's Way or Natalie Goldberg teaches in Writing Down the Bones. Tell you your story. Writing grounds me in the moment, makes me stop and do something that connects the dots of my life. While I was away from home space the last two weeks I took my journal and each morning noted the Hebrew and secular calendar day, counted the Omer and wrote what I had been doing the previous day and what I was about to do and then just let the words, feelings and thoughts flow onto the page. When I got home I had a record of my journey and while I was gone I never felt lonely as I was present with me the whole way. What a gift from you, Uncle Harry, thanks for seing me in a bigger way than I could see me in that moment.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

Building on a Legacy While finding Balance

Blessings of Being Awake: Sometimes I wish my mind would just stop for a moment and then it happens and I wonder if I too have 'the disease.'

As I was reading one of the several books I have laying open around my home I read a phrase from The Blue Sweater by Jacqueline Novogratz that sang to me, 'together we can do anything.' The image that forms for me is of many bodies working together for a common good creating high energy. It is the next step to 'we need each other', it is a doing. I have noticed that I like doing, being physically involved in an activity. I love to travel and yet nothing felt right until cousin Linda said we going canoeing in the south of France in August and my heart got excited. Now that sounds like fun! Like paddling down the NC river with Tracey and Joan, totally involved...body, mind and spirit.
Spiritual Challenge: I remember once taking part in a road trip with many cars following the same route. I felt the same kind of electricity and excitement. It is that high I seek in between the quiet times of being alone and musing and working independently, well just my G!D and I. The challenge for me is remembering together does not have to mean lots of people. TED offered a lecture by Elizabether Gilbert that Lyndon sent me the link to recently. She talks about the creative process being a collaboration of the Divine and you and that worrying about doing it yourself ALONE can be daunting and bring on 'writers block' among other narrow, small grasshopper-like feelings. Yet when I remember the muse, diva, G!D, however you want to call 'it', there is a truth that creates a rippling effect to the autonomic nervous sysytem causing a deep full breath.
Spiritual Practice: When I was visiting the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in Pondecherry, India I met a devotee from Japan who had her paintings on display. When asked about her creative process she spoke about her inspiration that came from a Divine source. I remember wondering what that feels like to be inspired by the Divine, G!D and wanting a piece of whatever that was. While living in Gainesville in the late 70's I went to see 'For colored Girls Who Consider Suicide When the Rainbow Isn't Enough' by Notzange Shang. One character said 'I found god and she is in me.' That phrase has stuck with me all these years and while I have practiced and imagined the Indwelling Presence, Shekhina, within me, not until I read 'The Shack' did it actually happen. My practice now is to notice my child spirit who sometimes is frightened of the night and the bullies and the alone-ness and the inactive-non-doing time and soothe her with knowing the Divine energy. In these moments I am feeding the hungry ghost and a smile relaxes on my face and I am resting in the arms of my Beloved.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

Transparency and Telling the Truth

Blessings of being awake:
I love hearing the word transparency and my visceral response to experiencing the directness of stating the facts is to light up inside and feel clean like a shiny squeaky clean baby’s bottom! And I am aware of how what I know and do not speak out loud gets in the way of what I do say! Often I wish I were a child again with no inhibitions or like my father was at the end of his life…just say it like it is, TZiPi! Several TV interviews that I watched and some collaborative meetings lately have been like this for me and I revel in those moments of speaking from my heart and there is a desire for wanting more!
Spiritual Challenge: Transparency demands a lot of me. I have to acknowledge my emotions in the moment and then step through the barriers they may create to the other side that is truth in that moment, as Fritz and Bodaken call MMOT, The Managerial Moment of Truth and write can improve performance and increase productivity. As I step forward into the unknown I am deepening a relationship with myself and only through this disclosing am I acknowledging what is, clearing the air and in the language of ballroom dancing creating a frame of connection so we each are moving into building a relationship of mutual pleasures. And my behavior is reflecting that I believe that what I say is important in that moment. I do not have to hide the conversation in some corner or wait for the perfect moment. The other night I was at a large table of friends celebrating a birthday and looking across the table I saw some friends that I wanted to ask about a ride to the airport. I hesitated and then gave myself permission to not wait until another time. I felt awkward talking in public about a private thing and as I spoke the world did not fall apart. In fact I heard about my friend’s mom and his concerns about her health. And I felt free and unencumbered. And I wondered about waiting to tell someone you love her and how many sad stories I have heard about missing the moment.
Spiritual Practice: I will set an intention to notice what I value and try to be in integrity with myself and consistent. To stay awake to what I believe and just live it! Oy Vay! What a discipline this requires and "to do my best" as Ruiz reminds me in The Four Agreements. And as the teachings of Hebrew Wisdom inform my life, discipline brings me closer to the Divine and the truth that we are all One heart beating. And isn’t that what we all want to not feel alone and to be able to cut through the ‘crap’ or the unsaid and get to the core of the issue. Unpeeling the layers is an art and takes lots of practice. And keeping my mouth open and breathing deeply assists in breaking an old pattern of silence, keeping my mouth shut for fear of reprisal and avoiding the truth and what the consequences will bring to an already dysfunctional system.

The truth is I am learning that I can take care of myself. So I am following my voice coach’s teaching to relax the muscles of my face and allow the smile to emerge and reflect the joy in my heart. And to continue to be aware what keeps me silent and what I experience when I let out the words springing from this heart. I set an intention to speak as readily as I purchase a gift for my daughters giving it to them immediately instead of waiting for a birthday, Chanukah or the next time I see them. Hebrew Wisdom teaches each moment is a beginning so I will be a beginner as the Llama in Nepal suggested we all are.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

‘And’ Expands My Heart and My Perspective

Blessings of being awake: Recently I have noticed that the anger I had been harboring toward my father since he died has slowly been receding. I even said something nice about him the other day. I was surprised and then it happened again when later that week I spontaneously quoted his favorite phrase, ‘we need each other’. I was puzzled as I thought I had left his legacy off of my agenda through my decision that I was not going to stand on his shoulders. Then I began to notice the tightness in my chest soften when I thought of him and of his G!D. This emotional shift seems to have brought a different perspective.
Spiritual Challenge: I need to set an intention to remember that everything changes and to notice that there is always something I am not seeing and if I open my eyes perhaps I can see what on first glance is hidden. I want to believe that neither the joy nor the pain is forever and that if I do not harbor the pain and make myself a victim or a hero to my emotions and thoughts that this too will pass and I will and can let go of what is no longer useful to the nurturing of my soul. And that is what Harville Hendrix teaches in Keeping the Love You Find, there is a healing that happens when you stick in relationships long enough to heal those childhood wounds even with the dead.
Spiritual Practice: I said to a client the other day she might want to try the phrase ‘ I know nothing.’ She did not like this so I added the other half of the truth…'I am a very smart woman and I know nothing.' She liked the blending of these two truths. Since this conversation I have found myself laughing and saying that phrase and being an opening my heart and being curious. Moving beyond the narrow place, that we call in my tradition Mitzrayim, the Egypt of our slavery, and gaining perspective is for me like sitting in meditation, not moving, just allowing the sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts to be noticed and give myself the option of keeping them around or letting them go and noticing what arises next. I need lots of practice off the cushion to do this. Sometimes I can do it for my clients better than I can do it for me.

So I will continue to attempt to do for me what I do for them. ..not to be a slave to thoughts or emotions that distract me from being kind and loving to me the core teaching of Hebrew Wisdom, it is all about love. These seven weeks between Passover and Shavuot are opportunities to refine my soul to prepare for receiving our holy teachings. Using the priestly letter Vav that connects heaven and earth in my life as a tool to gain perspective is my pilgrimage home.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

Letting Myself Back Into My Heart

Blessings of being Awake: I did not know I had let myself out of my heart and then I read the thought for today 'I forgive myself for not doing all I had I promised myself because I did not feel good enuf.' As soon as I read it I knew I had been journeying away from me, my G!D and my heart. I could feel the visceral movement through the layers of protection I surround my heart with.
Spiritual Challenge: Today something woke me up and I am noticing something is missing and I am out of alignment. The web site is launched and I am scared; can i follow through? I am more visible, out there in my eyes and the old fears around being safe and doing it 'right' arises. Can I notice these thoughts and keep believing in me even when I am sitting in not knowing? Moses says to Pharoah when trying to have the whole community leave slavery at one time, 'We will not know how we are to serve G!D until we arrive there.' I am a life longer learner of how to love me in each moment and it is fun doing this exploring.
Spiritual Practice: I can still hear Stephen Levine's voice 'let your self back into your heart' and I remember the visceral response to doing as I was directed. I can do this each moment; a simple breath, a thought and yes I am here. No longer the wandering Jew. I am back in my heart with my G!D and me. And in this moment I am smiling and laughing, opening my mouth, relaxing all the muscles of my face being young at heart, body and mind! Home I say to myself as tears well and my heart sings; Row, row, row my boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream!
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

I am reb TZiPi and I am here to recruit you

Blessings of being awake: As I cut out the phrase ‘I got milk’ from the magazine ad I felt I had shifted to thinking instead of intuiting. And I was compelled not to give up on my intuition and to place the phrase on my project that I was I making at the collage workshop. The theme was ‘who I am in this moment’. The word ‘milk’ reminded me of Harvey Milk and the powerful phrase he began his speeches with, 'Hi, I’m Harvey Milk and I am here to recruit you.' This dead gay political activist had become one of my heroes.
Spiritual Challenge: I was dropping my aunt’s at the airport and as we drove by a sign I read it out loud and Aunt Estelle sitting in the passenger seat said ‘what did you say?’ I repeated the words and then laughing said I have the Abrams trait of reading signs out loud. She laughed for she knows she does that and Aunt Frannie in the back leaned forward and said ‘you don’t have Abrams traits you have your dad’s trait of warm and friendly and we need each other attitude’. She was right even if I do not like admitting how much like my dad I am. And my responsibility and challenge is to honor that trait and make it mine. I do stand on his shoulders. As a Jew I know how life affirming it is to have allies and holding the intention that we need each other helps in walking the path of Oneness and not separation that is so psychically painful. And moving beyond my doubting mind and trusting in people’s goodness is a challenge for me as I get close to people.
Spiritual Practice: I am a Vav-nik and am living an inclusive life’ I speak into the mirror and continue with ‘Hi, I am rabbi TZiPi Radonsky and I am here to recruit you to be a Vav-nik to stand up tall and be the leader you were born to be.’ I thought about my ancestor Sarah and wondered if she ever said, 'Hi, Hebrews, I am Sarah and I am here to recruit you to believe in The One Unknowable God.' Someone recently said they never heard of a Vav-nik and yet had heard of a Lamed Vavnik. I quickly responded, 'being a Vav-nik is the first step in becoming a Lamed Vavnik.' A Lamed Vavnik in Mystical Hebrew Wisdom is one of the 36 righteous people alive in the world at any given time. They are ordinary people who humbly hold the mystical key to mending the world.

Hi, sister and brother leader, I am reb TZiPi and I am here to recruit you. I am on a mission to make the world a better place through ‘de-butting’ the world and I am asking for your support.

i feel known and you can’t get better than that

Blessings of being awake: I have heard Tziporah say with her passionate, heavy Brooklyn accent ‘he got me’ and I could feel her heart softening into joy and delight. My heart joined my friend’s and I was not remembering then an experience of 'being gotten' that I would have stopped me in my tracts so that I would spontaneously say out loud 'she got me!'. Andrea once spontaneously told me 'I want to be known’ and I heard this deep intuitive response from my very private introverted daughter and wanted this for her and yet was not quite sure what that would look like for me.
Spiritual Challenge: Being' known' or being ‘gotten’ requires me to 'show up' be bold with my energy and light; to be my Self, a leader among leaders, a priest among priests. Rabbi Lawrence Kushner writes in his Book of Letters about the letter vav, that it stands erect in its uniqueness, confident in being separate among others and linking with others to create a whole unity. I am learning that only when I am willing to risk being seen do I have more chances of being 'gotten' and 'known'.
For about the last 9 years on Friday afternoon I have tried to connect with my daughters, fill them in on my life and ask what is happening in theirs and bless them with a Shabbat Shalom, a Sabbath of peace and wholeness. This Friday Andrea called me and was most energetic as she told me about Oprah’s guest today, Dustin Lance Black, Academy Award winner for the screenplay written directly for the screen for the movie Milk. She explained that her excitement was two fold; one she was deeply moved by his story and second the movie Milk had not come to Beaufort that she knew of and she voiced her frustration about the kinds of films that came and the duration of their stay. "I will get to see it, yet' she said with great determination.
In her initiating of this conversation I felt deeply connected to my daughter in this tender place of needing to be known and now as I remember the conversation I again am noticing the emotions as tears well and fall on my cheeks. And I in that moment smiled; I had been gotten by my first daughter, my friend who was committed to loving and knowing me and my ‘difference’ and all within her very homophobic world. For the first time that I can remember she was the one who brought up this important place for me and I was able to take her knowing me into my body and rejoice in being gotten by her.
Spiritual Practice: The phrase ‘known’ in biblical Hebrew translates to a sexual experience as ‘Adam knew Eve.’ And as I heard with Andrea and saw in the movie Lost in Translation an erotic, fully alive moment, can happen without sex when the main characters enjoy each other in a long-into-the-night collaborative conversation. Coming-out or self-disclosing can be as easy as getting dressed in your favorite clothes or as hard as stating an opposing opinion to a new friend. My practice is to notice when I withhold me from coming-out and love that frightened part. So I have begun taking voice lessons and playing with coming out from my whole body in all kinds of new ways in a safe place. And maybe get to know me and get me in whole new ways!