After my first speeding ticket in four years, $129.00 ouch!, I have decided this is a sign I need to really look at my relationship with time.
In 1993, a Lakota medicine man in a one-on-one I-Ching session told me something I have been grappling with ever since. The phrase is "make a friend of time". My immediate response to his words was to begin to cry, like I had been told some ultimate truth of the universe. I knew then that it was important and yet I did not know how it related to my life. I think after all these years I may be getting to the core of this conundrum, this Zen-koan.
As I drove home the 3 1/2 hours from St. Petersberg, I kept thinking what is it about time? What am I running from or toward that keeps me from being here. How have I not made a friend of time?
And then I remembered the sexual abuse I endured at age five that I hid from my conciousness until I was in my late 40s. And that dissociation is one way of running away from the pain of the moment. And that at 67 I no longer need to rush away from now, as I can take care of me, unlike that of my childhood.
And the power, skills and personal best I feel behind the wheel, I can also feel in other places. I do not need to be behind the wheel of the car to do that!
Yet, this relationship with time is something else!
I remembered once following a woman who was driving so slow I was about to bust a gasket! I needed to follow her, because she was leading me out of a development of homes to where I needed to be going. I remebered being in awe of her steady driving, no rushing, no need to rush, she was sure and steady. I admired her driving and her grounded-ness to the earth. I wished I had that skill and yet did not know if I ever could drive that slow. What a paradox!!
So what has this to do with and? Well the letter vav is a shape shifter letter. In Biblical Hebrew it is called a "reversive vav" as it turns the past into the future and future into the present. And in English, using the word and instead of but can change the possibilities and change the 'same old thinking' into a 'growth' mindset. If we can hold more than one reality as true, we can change the world. Your pain and my pain are both awful and never should have happened and they did.
So what do I get for denouncing my Speed Queen Crown? I get another chance at life. Just like the state police officer, who stopped me, gave me another chance by marking down the speed I was driving; so can I try something new. And I will see what will happen not to rush through eating, the stop sign, the conversation, the uncomfortable moment. Maybe there is something there I need to notice. Maybe I can learn to make a friend of time.
So why do you speed? What is your relationship to time? I need your help! tell me your thoughts.
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4 comments:
Speed Queen Hummmm? Well, one of my favorite sayings is "I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol!" What does that tell you?
I love your questions--what are you racing from or towards that makes you miss the now? Here's a recent journal entry written after a significant life change that leaves me not racing so much and enjoying the slower lane ...
"My simple truth today was [downside] Emmy being home recouping from a bug and [upside] feeling light and guilt free for the first time in 3 years enough to really focus lovingly on making her some lunch and sitting with her sharing lunch and laughing at her favorite program without a tape running in the back of my mind about wasting time and jumping to check emails every 5 minutes and drumming my fingers with a plastered smile while my brain is going 100MPH on the next letter, the next phone call, the next prospective something or other ... or worse, just leaving her alone feeling crappy cuz I had "things to do." So, a genuine unfettered hour with homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese and my dear daughter made this a great day."
Now oh wise folk, how can I maintain this?? Sometimes my AND mentality is additive and leads to overwhelm. The sword of discernment is called for ...staying open to possibilities and growth, and yet charting a clear path through the weeds that just masquerade as possibilities. This is the question!
I did that this week--and I love the feeling of lightness and NOW.
Dear Ex-Speed Queen, I am happy that the ticket took you safely home, brought you to this blog and got me pondering your questions. You help me see that all we really have is time and choices to make in light of it. It is tough determining what is important with all the stimulation tugging at us and begging us for attention.
I wonder what it would be like to try that change your mentioned, any change. How would it be, for example, if I notified friends and family that I would not be writing or answering email for four days for the sake of experimentation. What would that do to my days and my nerves? What would be the payoffs and what would be the payouts? Maybe there is something to at least being conscious about what I am doing. I guess time, like a meal, can be savored or squandered. It is late and I need to use this time for sleeping now. I need to take more time to think about this ;-) all. It is important.
I too find myself driving too fast, trying to do too much, trying milk every minute of time. Yet, I understand that this is a trap. What matters is not how much we do but how we focus our time on what matters most (whatever that means to us). My wife has a saying that nobody has promised us tomorrow. How would we spend our time if today was our last day? How can we live each day in the spirit of what we would do on that last day. I'll ponder that. Thanks for the question. -- Lyndon
Sometimes you stand on the beach and you look out at the water and there's no land in sight. Then one day you're standing in the same place and all of sudden you realize there is land before you...way out...but you still see it. We know then we've passed the immortal "live forever" phase in our lives. I've slowed down and am in no hurry to get "there". I want every day to last longer. Once the day is over...its gone forever. Driver behind me...I'm in no rush. Love you.
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