Sunday, August 21, 2011
Circumcise Your Heart and Do Not Have Such a Stiff Neck
Will You help me practice the uncovering of my heart so I can consciously know, be viscerally aware that I am receiving unconditionally love from the Mayan Raz, eternal spring?
Will you be my mirror and my partner to support me in experiencing that i am safe in this world to receive the universal love that is available? I want to face the fears that keep my heart protected and begin to know what it feels like to feel worthy of receiving unconditional love, without strings. I have felt moments of this love, as during my ordination, an expansive, glorious, sweet, adoring love. I also feel deep love of and connectedness with my daughters. I want to also receive there love.
In meditation this morning, in following the circular movement of the mind from Here to there and back to Here, i experienced an awareness of how covered i keep my heart. And that the phrase from the Torah that I have had a strong relationship with, circumcise your heart and don't have a stiff neck, was a message to me personally. I began to cry, deep sobs of awareness.
I know now that I learned an internal stance in childhood to lean over, hunch my shoulders, keep my head down, my hands over the chest and groin and lean forward into the wind. That was the only way i could move with people and be safe, keep my heart protected, and exist until i could become aware of other ways of being; to live my life fully open, head up, shoulders back, chest exposed to the elements knowing i could take very good care of myself and that i am lovable and safe. And I could create sacred space where I would engage in crucial conversations and learn about me within a relationship.
I am no longer willing to use my energy to keep my heart covered. I have other things to do with that energy. I feel expressive and I am no longer tongue tied.
Will you play with me? Will you be my partner and be open to love, unconditional love that speaks from the heart-mind, body-spirit, that engages all of me in a compassionate and kind manner and creating sacred space to allow us both to be Present.
Are you ready for me? Am I ready for me to be out and naked and fully alive in the world? Can there be three amazing women in one family? YES!!!! and...... LOL!!!!
I must uncover this heart and be open to change for if I do not, it will be done for me! And that is what I read in the Holy Scriptures.