Transparency and Telling the Truth

Blessings of being awake:
I love hearing the word transparency and my visceral response to experiencing the directness of stating the facts is to light up inside and feel clean like a shiny squeaky clean baby’s bottom! And I am aware of how what I know and do not speak out loud gets in the way of what I do say! Often I wish I were a child again with no inhibitions or like my father was at the end of his life…just say it like it is, TZiPi! Several TV interviews that I watched and some collaborative meetings lately have been like this for me and I revel in those moments of speaking from my heart and there is a desire for wanting more!
Spiritual Challenge: Transparency demands a lot of me. I have to acknowledge my emotions in the moment and then step through the barriers they may create to the other side that is truth in that moment, as Fritz and Bodaken call MMOT, The Managerial Moment of Truth and write can improve performance and increase productivity. As I step forward into the unknown I am deepening a relationship with myself and only through this disclosing am I acknowledging what is, clearing the air and in the language of ballroom dancing creating a frame of connection so we each are moving into building a relationship of mutual pleasures. And my behavior is reflecting that I believe that what I say is important in that moment. I do not have to hide the conversation in some corner or wait for the perfect moment. The other night I was at a large table of friends celebrating a birthday and looking across the table I saw some friends that I wanted to ask about a ride to the airport. I hesitated and then gave myself permission to not wait until another time. I felt awkward talking in public about a private thing and as I spoke the world did not fall apart. In fact I heard about my friend’s mom and his concerns about her health. And I felt free and unencumbered. And I wondered about waiting to tell someone you love her and how many sad stories I have heard about missing the moment.
Spiritual Practice: I will set an intention to notice what I value and try to be in integrity with myself and consistent. To stay awake to what I believe and just live it! Oy Vay! What a discipline this requires and "to do my best" as Ruiz reminds me in The Four Agreements. And as the teachings of Hebrew Wisdom inform my life, discipline brings me closer to the Divine and the truth that we are all One heart beating. And isn’t that what we all want to not feel alone and to be able to cut through the ‘crap’ or the unsaid and get to the core of the issue. Unpeeling the layers is an art and takes lots of practice. And keeping my mouth open and breathing deeply assists in breaking an old pattern of silence, keeping my mouth shut for fear of reprisal and avoiding the truth and what the consequences will bring to an already dysfunctional system.

The truth is I am learning that I can take care of myself. So I am following my voice coach’s teaching to relax the muscles of my face and allow the smile to emerge and reflect the joy in my heart. And to continue to be aware what keeps me silent and what I experience when I let out the words springing from this heart. I set an intention to speak as readily as I purchase a gift for my daughters giving it to them immediately instead of waiting for a birthday, Chanukah or the next time I see them. Hebrew Wisdom teaches each moment is a beginning so I will be a beginner as the Llama in Nepal suggested we all are.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!

‘And’ Expands My Heart and My Perspective

Blessings of being awake: Recently I have noticed that the anger I had been harboring toward my father since he died has slowly been receding. I even said something nice about him the other day. I was surprised and then it happened again when later that week I spontaneously quoted his favorite phrase, ‘we need each other’. I was puzzled as I thought I had left his legacy off of my agenda through my decision that I was not going to stand on his shoulders. Then I began to notice the tightness in my chest soften when I thought of him and of his G!D. This emotional shift seems to have brought a different perspective.
Spiritual Challenge: I need to set an intention to remember that everything changes and to notice that there is always something I am not seeing and if I open my eyes perhaps I can see what on first glance is hidden. I want to believe that neither the joy nor the pain is forever and that if I do not harbor the pain and make myself a victim or a hero to my emotions and thoughts that this too will pass and I will and can let go of what is no longer useful to the nurturing of my soul. And that is what Harville Hendrix teaches in Keeping the Love You Find, there is a healing that happens when you stick in relationships long enough to heal those childhood wounds even with the dead.
Spiritual Practice: I said to a client the other day she might want to try the phrase ‘ I know nothing.’ She did not like this so I added the other half of the truth…'I am a very smart woman and I know nothing.' She liked the blending of these two truths. Since this conversation I have found myself laughing and saying that phrase and being an opening my heart and being curious. Moving beyond the narrow place, that we call in my tradition Mitzrayim, the Egypt of our slavery, and gaining perspective is for me like sitting in meditation, not moving, just allowing the sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts to be noticed and give myself the option of keeping them around or letting them go and noticing what arises next. I need lots of practice off the cushion to do this. Sometimes I can do it for my clients better than I can do it for me.

So I will continue to attempt to do for me what I do for them. ..not to be a slave to thoughts or emotions that distract me from being kind and loving to me the core teaching of Hebrew Wisdom, it is all about love. These seven weeks between Passover and Shavuot are opportunities to refine my soul to prepare for receiving our holy teachings. Using the priestly letter Vav that connects heaven and earth in my life as a tool to gain perspective is my pilgrimage home.
Blessings of the Vav: I am complete and the story dynamically continues! TG!!!!