What Keeps Me From Being an Effective Leader?

We asked the group in our training yesterday, “What keeps me from being an effective leader?”

In reflecting this morning on yesterdays events I thought that one of those elements is my self-doubt, of having to prove myself to myself that being white, Jewish, lesbian woman keeps me from being all I can be in the world.

I am in Jamaica, where I am a minority in terms of the color of my skin. Yesterday, a man I am working with told me that when he first saw me he thought I was a racist. And that over the day I proved to him that I am a kind person and that his initial reaction to me was incorrect.

I was blown away by his disclosure and honored that he felt safe enough to say what was in his head and heart to me. And I was delighted; the cat was out of the bag. The topic often not talked about, was put on the table. Racism. Of course I am a racist in my own way. We all use various reasons to build walls to keep our self emotionally and some times physically and psychically safe and to keep people out. And I am learning to mange these fears and open my heart to the truth. We are all one.

And there is a part of me that knows in a past life I was an African slave living in the low country of South Carolina. When he told me he saw my soul, not the color of my skin, I thought Halleluyah!!!! Sweet Jesus, I am home! He sees my soul, not the color of my skin, that outer covering that can hide the true self from others so I am not recognized!

I am being seen for who I truly am. He not only got me, he merged with me, the color of my skin no longer separating us.

What a great question to ask again, and again and again!! What makes me an effective leader?

For each asking allows me to be open to new perspectives. The blessings of and is a softening of boundaries around the end of thoughts. I can give myself permission to continue the conversation, over and over again. I am learning from a new perspective what it means to never give up; to trust that there is another corner to walk round and I may never see that corner until I say and.

I am a Vavnik, I believe in possibilities of healing, of opportunities dreamed of and yet not found, YET! I am laughing out loud at myself and this life and the gifts that come everyday, even when I do not expect them. I am choosing life, having lived through the moments of blessings and curses. I am Home!