Blessings of Being Awake: as we relaxed under the Mexican sun, Alexis spoke her wisdom into the group, 'women are naturally competitive' and everyone agreed and I had to catch my breath. I had never thought of us in that way. I know my aunts are competitive with each other, my mother was competitive with me and my daughters are competitive with me. Yet, I had never thought of it as a characteristic of all women. I spent several days musing on her words becoming lighter, no longer weighted by 'just me' syndrome and more enlightened with each breath.
Spiritual Challenge: Feelings of competition and envy are why i asked Phyllis if we could adopt each other. I wanted to do something with these feelings that were interrupting my end of our friendship. I love Phyllis, like I love my daughters, i love my Mother and I know the many times i sensed its presence and steered around it, never exposing her, always aiding this turret, letting the walls remain between our hearts. I remember in my writings on Sarah for my ordination expressing in a poem the toxicity of competition with a deep need to get to know her deeply, every crevice so that there would be little unknown rocks hidden that could keep our hearts apart. Now having a perspective that these feelings were female-relational linked and not just mine was so freeing. I felt as if someone had had just cleansed an opaque windshield that had prevented me from seeing the whole picture and in this moment my soul felt cleansed from the toxic energy that keeps me in judging mind and separated from my sisters everywhere!!! I felt as if i had found the holy grail for which I did not know i had been searching! And i thought how can i hold onto this truth and not let it slip through the cracks of life. Drink for it!
Spiritual Practice: Laugh, what else can i do but laugh at my-our competitive spirit and then laugh some more no longer constricted from seeing my own beauty by these feelings. And then remember the wisdom of; 'do not covet' and 'be the best you that you can be' and 'your success is your deepest fear' and it is all about 'personal best' and consider 'power with' not over or under as Starhawk teaches. To live 'together anything is possible!'
Blessings of the Vav: In Hebrew Wisdom we are told we carry two notes, one in each pocket. One note says 'I am just dust' and the other 'the world was created for me'. This interpretation of humility, 'knowing your place and taking your space' is untying me from past thinking and behavior. No longer strangulated, i am empowered with this information that can only save my life and perhaps that of others. And I am so glad i was listening as my new sister-friend spoke truth into the wind and i heard and wove her wisdom into my being. May I continue to live the truth that the Divine lives within everyone and I can learn from everyone including me. I am a Vav-nik, standing tall in my uniqueness and hooked to every other Vav-nik healing our world!
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