The Mystery of the Cards

Who would imagine that the images would evoke such emotional responses that they would bring tears, conversations never dreamed in a coaching session and clarity and validation of goals? I usually use the Visual Explorer cards at the end of the session as I feel if they connect an image with their goals it might mean more to them than the words themselves. I am always hoping for an intention to appear, a symbol that would reflect an emotion, a private thought or a connection to core values that is attached to the outcome in contrast to a goal that is more in the physical world of doing.

Playing Hard Ball with the Boys

She was a member of a leadership-training program for women. The role she played was highly visible in a male dominated profession and she wanted to ‘play hardball with the boys.' Yes this is a direct quote. An attractive tall white woman with broad shoulders, married with one son who was her most proud accomplishment. On paper she was enthusiastic and energetic about life. In person she appeared tired and pensive. By the end of the session she admitted that her Catholic upbringing had led her to believe and act that women needed to defer to men or anyone who wielded power. There was some cognitive dissonance in relationship to her ambitious nature. When she picked the card that had five young boys in a semicircle with their backs to the camera and a young girl on the end she was shocked. She paused for a few minutes then said I guess I already am playing hardball with the boys and maybe I need to act with that attitude. She later e-mailed to say she had gone to speak with her boss, a man, and asked for more challenges. And he offered her what she had wanted.
When I contacted this participant to ask her to read the above for accuracy and to fill in the gaps for me. She wrote: 'When I pulled the card I first saw the young girl and then realized that the group around her was all boys. As you indicated, I was shocked about this—based on our conversation about my desire to play hardball with the boys. The other thing that struck me was that the situation that was depicted could have certainly been a group of kids playing “ball”, with one girl joining the boys. I felt an instant connection to the card, and yes, was very happy to get a copy of it. As it is on my Vision Board on my desk, it is a reminder to me of you, our conversation, and my desire to play hardball with the boys.'



The Changing Eye of the Perceiver


He was in a crossroads in his life. All he had worked for he had accomplished and he was no longer being energized by his work. He was confused as to where to go next and was in a leadership program to help him become the leader that the larger community needed. He had spoken to few about his dilemma. This is what he wrote a year later. “When we sat at CCL, you showed me cards. I picked one with a newly hatched duckling. At the time, all I could see was fear of the world. Today, because of the process that you helped initiate, I reconsider that picture and realize that it is about rebirth and about the excitement of possibilities that come with experiencing the world anew, and for those gifts, I thank you for being among those I consider my rebbeim.”

The Missing Link

For an hour and 20 minutes of the 1 ½ we had together we worked together deciphering the results of the surveys he had taken and building rapport. The 26-year-old young white man remained with a flat affect. He did not look happy. His company believed in him enough to send him for a three-day training program and he was still lost not sure what he needed to do. I was not seeing any emotion until I gave him the cards and asked him to shuffle them any way he wished. He immediately became animated appearing at home with the deck and enthusiastically responded to my request by being firm and playful with the cards. I asked him how he had learned how to do this so well. He said that when he was eight his grandfather had taught him how and had given him specific training in the art of card handling. I do not remember the goal right now however the card he picked was again the group of young people coming together. He named the picture ‘friendship’. ‘How does this relate to work?’ I asked. He said I have no friends there. What kind of a friend are you outside of work. ‘Cooky out side of work and serious and stern at work’. Then in the few minutes left we conversed about this challenge and what he could do to perhaps become more integrated.

Perspective of the Observer

I was curious about meeting with this 46 year old woman who responded in her biography to the question 'have you ever experienced any stressful or traumatic events in your life?' with 'growing up in in a mixed race family in the 60's during the civil rights movement'.   When I met her I saw a tall, elegant beautiful black woman.  She met my eye contact and questions with direct, confident assertiveness.  When she pulled from the deck a black and white photo of a dandelion clock her first comment was 'I see everything in black and white.'  This dropped us into a deeper conversation that confronted racism, religious prejudice and sexism.  This is the kind of coaching that soothes and massages the soul.

Afterthought

It does not matter whether the participant is male or female, extrovert or introvert, high need for control or easy going. They all participate without much encouragement. The cards reflect a part of them and give them a metaphor that months later can remain with them. And when I ask if they would like a copy of the card almost all replied ‘yes’ with enthusiasm that sounded like ‘of course, what a silly question.'..not wanting to leave a piece of their self behind!