Early Morning Musings

Blessings of Being Awake: Yesterday via a webinar I listened to Ira Chaleff talk about hierarchical relationships from a follower's perspective. I felt a kinship to the man and wrote to him that he was a Vav-nik. This morning I received a a note back telling me the origins of his thinking was the Holocaust. I began to think I know in real time where my fascination with the Vav happened and yet I was not aware of a core value of mine that fed the real time awakening. I am aware this morning that since I live in fear of disconnection and that my heart's default is 'close' and a familiar feeling that arises frequently is loneliness, that living a Vav-nik life is opposition to these old experiences.
Spiritual Challenge:In studying Musar with my Va'ad group we were talking about what does spiritual mean to each of us. Part of my definition is that I live as if I am in connection, in relationship with every person, place or thing. I want a simple life and yet simple is not easy. Staying in integrity with my values demands i stay awake. And the other morning as i walked with my friends, I was bored with their conversation and left them in my mind and left the world and the next thing I knew I was down on the ground, bruised and glasses bent.
Spiritual Practice: How can I stay awake and put myself at the top of the list as I support in MULKA? I do not have a clue! I can only keep noticing my life with humor an gratitude and keep being open to learning that comes in the most surprising places.
Blessings of the vav: Yes, she is a blessing!

The Gerund

Blessings of Being Awake: Here in South Florida we have been waiting for the weather where we can open our windows. And it is here, at least for now. Winter has come and I am happy to shut off the air conditioner. I can feel the cool breeze flow through my condo, front to back bringing in fresh air and I take a deep breath knowing change is happening.
Spiritual Challenge: To remember whether I see change or not there is always something brewing underneath the surface and my impatience or hopelessness is not going to make it happen any quicker. The Buddhist teaching on impermanence and non-attachment or Hebrew Wisdom honoring of t'shuvah, the right of return to the true nature' or as I learned in Thoughts Without Thinker, the use of 'ing' on the end of words is a reminder that everything is a work in progress, including me. Change, change, change, I can hear the Mamas and Papas singing the song based on ancient writings. Everything is about change.
Spiritual Practice: When I feel tension related to change in my body, i will remember that breathing deeply is bringing the Life Force deeply into my hips and groin releasing the fear that gets stuck in my throat. Hope is restored; courage and past experiences are reinforcing my forward motion and a smile opens my lips relaxing my facial muscles.
Blessings of being a Vav-nik: Being able to sing full hearted 'row, row, row the boat gently down the stream, merrily , merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

LOL

Blessings of Being Awake: I heard myself laughing with a burst of energy I smile now in remembering the moment. Miryam and I had been talking about our meditation experiences and the thought crossed my mind 'i can be the rabbi and practice Buddhist teachings' and still be a good enuff Jew. I felt like I had been released from the straight jacket i was trying to fit into. 'Either or', i could hear the mind saying, 'you cannot have both!' Is that really true?, I quickly responded. I am a Vav-nik and i can have both and i can live 'the and life' that i am trying to promote in the world. I am blending Hebrew Wisdom and Buddhist practice in my life, why hide behind a facade of untruth.
Spiritual Challenge: I have to laugh at myself as I know 'we teach what we need to learn' and being a Vav-nik is more than passing out cards; it is actually doing the work, living the values I deem mine. Being alone, quiet, introspective is essential to my mental health and creativity. And in striving to remain in the world and honor the other part of me I also need conversations where we share ideas, thoughts held close to the heart, rarely verbalized. I need to get out of my head the words that when spoken take on a different tension and begin to have an energy and beauty that completes me.
Spiritual Practice: To remember the laughter so freely emoted and how wonderful it felt. To continue to believe in miracles and like Sarah, I too can bring forth a child a 99, i can bring together opposing forces and find a renewed path for myself.
Blessings of the Vav: it is never over until the fat lady sings. I am not sure what that means and i do know I can continue to learn, expose myself to new experiences and collaborations and not lose me, just most humbly deepen my relationship with the Mystery of Life.

Surprises That Nurture the Soul

Blessings of Being Awake: I laugh as i type the words 'being awake' thinking that it is way too early to be sitting at my computer. And what brought me out of my bed as I was watching my chest rise and fall trying to get back to sleep, was the thought that Robbie had found me through this blog. And each time that thought crossed the mind I felt an emotion that filled my chest and bubbled over as the joy of connection, of loose threads being gathered into the fabric of my life, creating a foreground to my life's tapestry. I am thinking that I am a part of a whole that is my life. The emotion rises again, the tears fall and I am happy through and through.
Spiritual Challenges: Thirteen years ago I said 'yes' to the voice that told me I was going for a trip around the world. This summer I have had experiences, like Robbie, where those connections came back to life and I am now feeling that the dream is real. You see, I took this trip, I wrote about it, I made connections that drifted away and when I came back to NC, I went back to my life as I had known it. And I drifted from home to home, not sure where I wanted to live and added to my academic credentials and below the surface of life the Mystery was working. I love surprises like these. I feel like I have been found, validated and my challenge is to stay here, be nurtured and just enjoy! I am a part of a life, my life.
Spirirtual Practice: One foot in front of the other I walk though my life, a walking meditation, of paying attention to the gifts wrapped in various packages, and of letting things go and choosing non-violence, of remembering to focus on the core of life-LOVE, of listening to my teachers who come in all sizes and shapes and of continually seeking the Divine in myself as well as others. And most of all believing in me and my dreams for they are good, they are very good.
Blessings of the Vav: who knew my fascination with the Hebrew letters and language and taking myself seriously would lead to this blog. Devorah said that if I became a rabbi, and i was strongly resisting that call, I would also become a healer. I believe her now, as my heart's wounds are mending and its capacity is expanding. Who knew? She knew!

Lamed Vavniks

Blessings of Being Awake: A few weeks ago when I was doing some training in India I gave away my Vav-nik cards. In wanting them to understand where the card fits into a larger frame of being leaders, I told this story.
At any one time, in Hebrew Wisdom tradition, there are thirty-six righteous people walking the earth. The term Lamed Vav-nik comes from the number that each Hebrew letter represents. Lamed is 30 and Vav is six, thus 36 or Lamed Vav-nik. These righteous people have a soul whose primary mission is to do the mending of the tears in the fabric of the universe, to heal the separation we experience that does not exist in reality. In my first hearing of a Lamed Vav-nik he was a tailor who appears to be sewing fabric, yet is going deeper to the soul of the person's clothes he was repairing.
As our India host Anupam heard the story, he smiled and after I had finished said to me that he liked how I had explained about the righteous people. I was aware that in that moment I had reached across cultures and found common ground.
Spiritual Challenges: When I first heard Dovid Zeller, may his memory continue to be a blessing, tell the story of the man who met a Lamed Vavnik I loved the story and wanted to learn it so I could retell it. In fact each time now when I tell the whole story I can feel my throat getting tight and my heart filling up with emotions I cannot describe. Telling the story to Jewish people is easy, they either know the language or want to know more about their faith. And I wanted to make the story universal and so I began collage-ing in my mind my various Avatar-Lamed Vav-nik experiences.

Of course there has always been Jesus, yet growing up I had always thought of him more as a threat to my being, as many Christians that I encountered wanted me to 'find Jesus and be saved.' As nice Jewish girl this frightened me as I was not grounded as I am in now in my personal relationship with my G!D and my tradition. Despite these fears, in my first trip to India when I was at the Seik Gobin Sadan Ashram outside of Delhi, I had a conversation with the statue of Jesus early one morning where he called me "sister' and I called him 'brother.' He was helping me get clear on my mission to Israel and meeting the Arab people I needed to build bridges of understanding with. Then in Pondecherry I met the energy of The Mother, the spiritual partner of Sri Aurobindo. Her energy kept me at the Ashram until after her birthday where I hear thou you walk through the Valley of the shadow of death I will be with you. In South Carolina I enjoy the energy of the Meher Baba and his ideas of don't worry be happy and in New Delhi I met and can still fill the hug of Ama, the hugging guru. Thirteen years ago I traveled to Pondecherry to experience the energy of what Andrew Harvey described in his meeting with Mother Meera and then last year met her in person in Raleigh, NC during a darshan. And then there was my dream where I left my friends and went into the mountains led by an energy that I knew was Shekhinah. And then I lived the dream and felt Her Presence and found a peace I rarely experience as I walked the trail into the mountains in Colorado in real time.
I am challenged to confront my mind that likes to separate these people from the rest and not see the gifts of the others I encounter. Who knows who the Lamed Vav-nik really is? Believing that everyone is the Messiah and has the energy to heal their wounds and others is my challenge especially when I need to include me.
Spiritual Practice: The story of the rabbi who tells the abbott that 'one of you is the Messiah.' At the end of telling this story, I again choke up and the emotion rises. Noticing these as teaching moments when the heart opens to truth is a reminder that I am at the right place and the right time and I am at one with the universe.
The Blessings of the Vav is when I include me with others. There is really no need to judge or separate me out as truth is that we each are unique and we each are connected and living the paradox of this reality. This is my practice as I heal my wounds and pray for the rippling affects of the tidal wave of loving kindness washes over me. And I can breath deeply knowing i have again said 'YES and' to life.

Entering the Promise Land

Blessings of Being Awake: When I looked at the date on the last blog entry I could not believe it was so far away. Where have I been? Well, I have been to Prague to visit Phyllis for a week, to Boston for Joni and Stefan's wedding, to Greensboro to work and to India for two weeks of a glorious return and leadership training work. So there must be so much to write about.
Spiritual Challenge: so where do I begin? From here and looking back I must say it has been an amazing spiritual journey. In fact from India I signed an e-mail 'the spiritual pilgrim.' I am waking up to say to myself, right place, right time! When are you going to get it that is all you have to do is show up! You are the vessel, you are the wisdom, you are TZiPi, authentic, kind, brilliant, focused, humbly human!
Spiritual Practice: noticing the doubt that sneaks in and then hold onto that intention of a circumcised heart, keep the neck loose as i did when i first arrived in India. It was so simple like I had been doing it all my life moving my head from right to left! And the song that comes from my heart is the refrain 'Love is all you need, love is all you need, love is all you need!'
So as 5769 ends and 5770 begins at sundown tonight I make a promise to myself to stand erect, chest open, shoulders back, bracing against my erect strong back as I move forward into the promised land, into the abundance waiting for me and anyone else who takes the same risks. It is there and I am going after it and i can feel the joy, taste the deliciousness of the fruit and feel the welcome of all those who meet me. I am home and in joy!!!
Blessings of the vav: and there is always one more thing and it does not have to be doom, it can be joy so why not prophize from hope, connection, love and truely live that truth.

The Weekly New and Good

Blessings of Being Awake: Today I brought my 14 year old grandson Drew back to his mom after a fun, athletic, funny, exploring and bonding week. When I arrived back home the place felt empty and I experienced a feeling of loneliness . And as I was sliding down into the loneliness feeling the phone rang. TZiporah was calling for our weekly 'Shabbat new and good conversation'. We had promised each other to meet every Shabbat and share our good stuff that had happenned that week. She started off by telling me she was not feeling well and of a few disappointments. I listened and then said "what good happenned?" And as she spoke her voice changed and she began to sound energized and remembered lots of good stuff including a new client! Then it was my turn and she began with a questions, "Did you draw the picture of you with the magic wand?" Wam! She got me by reminding me of where I had left off before Drew came. I gotten so caught up in my grandmoher host role I had forgot the other parts of me!
Spiritual Challenge: In busy times it is so easy to forget me and promises I make to myself. So if I surround myself with people who love me and remind me of the good even then when I want to fall back into old habits and familiar pain I will be reminded of my choices. My week with Drew had been fantastic, I felt like a young woman sailing, snorkeling and playing tennis with this dynamic and very active young man. And now the vacation was over and reality set in and routines are hard to change if I keep trying to do that by myself!
Spiritual Practice: Take the ten minutes a day to meditate and remind me of my choice for gentleness and non-aggression. Keep my journal everyday and look back to see where I was and what has been happenning. Laugh a lot, ask for fogiveness when I mess up and keep placing me back into my heart where she belongs! Share good things with friends.